


Hera's Grief

by Spectre6



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25653760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectre6/pseuds/Spectre6
Summary: The thoughts and emotions of Hera following the departure of Kanan and Ezra.
Kudos: 5





	Hera's Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This is what we didn't get a chance to see on TV - the grief of a woman who lost two people she loved, while at the same time having to prepare for life with a child.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and stay safe my friends.
> 
> \- Spectre 6

The silence of the Ghost was shattered by a blood curdling scream. It lasted for several seconds before fading, and returning the silence that had once been.

It was a minute before the same scream filled the Ghost again.

Inside the ship's bathroom, a woman had collapsed to her knees, her face covered in tears. In front of her lay a small device women used for pregnancy tests. The test was positive. Hera Syndulla's first thought and hope was a false positive, but it wasn't. She knew she was pregnant. Hera had started feeling differently in the days since Kanan had sacrificed himself. She refused to acknowledge it, she couldn't bare the thought of being pregnant with Kanan's child, not now, not when she was alone, not when his death was still so fresh. 

The Force was cruel. It took Kanan's sight, took him, and then took Ezra with it. Two people that Hera loved to death were gone in the same week. She had known loss, but not to this extent. Ezra knew nothing about pregnant woman, let alone small children, but he had matured to the point where Hera felt she was comfortable asking him for help and advice if she was stumped. Now she couldn't even do that.

Hera was a strong woman. She didn't falter at threats and she took charge whenever it was needed, but this? This was something entirely different, something she didn't have a clue at how to handle. Deep down, she wanted to be excited, but she couldn't. She was all alone and would be expected to raise a child by herself. It was not something Hera ever saw happening in her life. Hell, she hadn't even planned on falling in love, but some stupid Jedi had to worm his way into her heart. "Damnit Kanan." Hera whispered. 

She knew what Kanan did saved them all, she knew it had to be done, but Hera was still mad. Mad at Kanan, at Ezra, at the Force, the Empire, everything that had helped lead to where she was. All she ever wanted in life was to fly and do good, why did that have to come with such a devastating toll?

Several thoughts began racing through Hera's mind as she continued thinking about her pregnancy.

Will I still be able to fight? Nope. Hera already knew Mon Mothma would forbid it. Mothma would say it was too dangerous for a pregnant woman to fight. As stubborn as she was, Hera already knew Mothma would win and ground Hera, most likely to base duty only. There was still hope within Hera that she was more stubborn than Mothma was.

How will I raise a child by myself? Hera thought back to her father, and how he had raised Hera alone after her mother was killed. Her father was not a role model to look to in the single parent department. Even when her mother was alive, he had prioritized the war over his family, something that didn't change after their tragedy. Hera did have to give him some credit, he tried his best to juggle being a father and resistance leader. Not that it helped his only remaining family member feel closer to him. 

Maybe raising this child won't be too bad. After all she did mother the entire crew. Sure, they were all old enough that she didn't have to do anything such as change their diapers or teach them, but it was well known that Hera was essentially the adopted mother to Ezra, Sabine and Zeb. Everyone knew they saw her as such, and all of them confided in her.

Speaking of, as painful as it was not having her mate here to help raise their child, Hera knew she wasn't completely alone. Zeb and Sabine were still with her, they were still faithfully by her side - by the Ghost's side, in spite of the hardships of they faced. Of course, Hera wasn't going to spring it on them and imply they had to help - certainly not. If it absolutely came down to it, Hera was willing to go back to her father. After all, his war was long over. Maybe, just maybe he could redeem himself as a grandpa.

What if the child has the Force? The mere thought filled Hera with anger. She slammed her fist on the hard bathroom floor multiple times, letting loose another scream, this one of rage. She despised the Force, hated it as much as someone could hate something. Arguably, even more than she did the Empire. The Force did something that the Empire had tried several times to do and failed: take her family. 

In fairness, Hera was willing to admit the Force wasn't entirely to blame, but it had a big part in it. If Kanan and Ezra didn't have the Force, she doubted either of them would've ended up leaving her. If the Force didn't show them what they had to do, there was a chance they wouldn't have done it.

The bathroom door opened revealing a panic-looking Chopper from hearing her screams. "Are you okay?" he asked in binary.

Hera looked at Chopper, having forgot Zeb and Sabine didn't take him with. "I-I'm..I just need to be alone." Hera said softly.

Chopper was the most immature of the crew, often starting fights with Ezra and Zeb simply because he could, but Chopper wasn't inconsiderate or oblivious. He could very clearly see something was bothering Hera. Without hesitation, he wheeled himself into the bathroom and got beside Hera, extending one of his manipulator's to pat her shoulder.

A small smile appeared, and Hera rested a hand on Chopper's dome. "I don't know what I'm going to do." She said. Hera was not ready to throw in the towel on fighting, she didn't want to throw away what they had spent years doing - what Kanan gave his life doing, but she also knew it was selfish of her to keep fighting and put the unborn child at risk. There had to be a workaround to it, maybe she could sweet talk Mothma into letting her keep flying until she started to show more. Maybe, just maybe she could convince Mothma to only let her fly, not take part in any ground based operations.

It would be a good compromise, especially if her child had the Force. With Force users being able to sense others, it would be immediate that Inquisitors or Vader sensed her child. 'Wait.' Hera's eyes went wide as the revelation set in. 'Force users can sense other Force users.' Does that mean Kanan and Ezra knew she was pregnant? Anger that was directed at Kanan began rising. "Why didn't you tell me?" She yelled. If Kanan knew he was going to die, and knew Hera was pregnant, what would hurt in telling her? What would hurt in them sharing a special moment before it all ended? 

They both knew Kanan had to do it, there was no way she would have been able to talk him out of it. Or would she have been able to? Did Kanan not say anything because he was afraid she would convince him not to? Or, could it be that Kanan didn't say anything because he hoped when Hera found out she was pregnant that it would give her happiness, joy, and show that not all was lost in his death?

If it was the latter, it worked, as much as Hera hated to admit it. Despite her sadness, there was some happiness and joy about this new life. She was carrying Kanan's child! For so long they had been stupid and pretended there was nothing between them. When they finally started to acknowledge there was something there, they took it as slow as humanly possible at Hera's request. She didn't want to get into anything serious, especially not when she would be fighting. Looking back, she was truly a fool for waiting so long to admit her feelings and a fool for trying to be discrete and hide their relationship. 

Looking back now, Hera didn't know who they were trying to hide it from. The crew had apparently figured it out on their own, and while they teased, no one ever asked or seriously commented on it. Rebel command had never made any mentions of it, which Hera was grateful for. Perhaps her concern about the rebel leadership knowing and what they'd think played into a huge part of Hera's reasoning behind never taking things seriously between her and Kanan.

Thinking more about it, that mindset was entirely stupid. Why would they care? What would they have done, forbid a General from fighting all because she was in love? Hera snorted at the thought. That would have caused a lot more harm than good. Hera could never see herself stooping to that level. Imagine if she had done that to Ezra and Sabine all because Ezra had a longtime crush on the feisty artist. Their friendship never would have developed into what it is today. Or was. 

Hera sighed and looked down into her hands as she thought about Ezra. She wondered if this was harder on Sabine given that her and Ezra were in the same situation Hera and Kanan were. Obviously, Hera is still sad, but prior to Kanan's death, they knew where they stood. They knew they were in love and had something serious and special. Ezra and Sabine, however, did not. At least, Sabine didn't. If Kanan was right - which he most likely was, Ezra's crush had turned into a deep love. Hera wasn't sure if the same was for Sabine.

Ironically, Ezra and Sabine had followed the same path Kanan and Hera did. Start off as friends, then slowly develop into something serious, all without ever admitting anything to each other and acting like there was nothing to discuss. Hera did have to give Ezra credit. The boy had been swoon since day one (bets were placed between Zeb, Hera and Kanan on how long it would be before and if things would get serious between them) and never gave up. 

Love at first sight was not something you heard of often, but for Hera with Kanan and Ezra with Sabine, it certainly happened. Thinking about them got Hera to laugh a little. The only positive about Ezra leaving was that it wasn't permanent, at least she hoped. He had to come back someday to meet Hera's child and to finally do something with Sabine that took Hera and Kanan too damn long to do - admit their feelings to each other.

Who would have thought admitting their feelings would result in having a child? Certainly not her. At the mention. Hera looked at her stomach, gently caressing it as she thought of her child. What was she hoping for, boy or girl? What would Kanan want? Probably the same thing she did - a healthy child, the gender didn't matter. It did raise a question, what would their child look like? Would they be a mixture of Twilek and human? All human? All Twilek? 

Hera couldn't recall any previous instance on Ryloth where had been a hybrid, which, thinking about it more caused Hera to become worried. If her child was a hybrid, would her father accept them? It hurt Hera not being able to immediately say "yes" without any doubts. At least to Hera's knowledge, there wasn't any stigma on Ryloth regarding hybrids, but she still worried. Maybe she was thinking about it all wrong. What if her child looked like any other human child, but had Twilek traits. 

What if it was vice versa? Would the child have green skin and Kanan's eyes and hair? Regardless of how he or she turned out, regardless of all her concerns and hesitations, Hera was certain on one thing: she would love, cherish and raise this child. When it came down to it, this was something she and Kanan made together, a life they brought forth from their love. The last piece of Kanan she had - a gift of life. Rubbing her stomach again, Hera smiled brightly. "Thank you Kanan. I love you." Turning to look at Chopper, she smirked. "You'll need to learn how to properly behave around children. Starting with not having foul language."


End file.
